国外也有段子手：再守城池20年！

大家好，欢迎来到每周一晚的“国外也有段子手”！上周的欧洲赛场精彩看点层出不穷，欧冠8强全部产生，神秘魔术“抽签”又再次上演，曼市德比引爆英超，不老小将布冯再破不失球纪录等诸多好戏，令球迷们大饱眼福。好了，话不多说，让我们看看国外段子手们的犀利吐槽吧！

【欧冠抽签尘埃落定，萨其马相互避开】

MackinAintEasy(曼城球迷)：土豪德比即将开始！(El Cashico is happening)

Ivanvzm(阿联酋球迷)：这抽签真是哔了狗了！(???? ???? ? ??????????)

Fouace 1284(拜仁球迷)：世界真好，一起去嗨~(Hello world, go ahead!)

franbatista123(本菲卡球迷)：去你个头…(You go ahead alone.)

Kilomar(热刺球迷)：马竞都和恩里克的巴萨踢了6场比赛了，一场也没赢…这真是床单军团最糟糕的一次抽签了…(They have played Luis Enrique's Barca 6 times... and lost 6 times. An upset is possible but this was Atleti's worst draw imo.)

Kykinson(埃因霍温球迷)：好吧，看看马竞的抽签，我已经觉得点球大战7-8输给它并不那么惨了。(Okay I'm feeling alot better about losing 8-7 on penalties against Atletico Madrid now.)

ZukoBaratheon(马竞球迷)：你们还是图样，我们只要能死守两场0-0，就能进入点球大战了。你懂的……西甲内部的小秘密。(It’s cute, we can manage to have two 0-0 and just wait for penalties, if you know what I mean…it’s a secret only in La Liga.)

(图)他们16个点球进了15个，这是怎么做到的？

apriZea(巴萨球迷)：隔壁又又又又特么是好签…(RM has a good draw agaaaaaaaaaain.)

met5abel 184 (皇马球迷)：无论哪个队抽到你萨，都会觉得是最差的签…(You guys are anyone's worst draw to be forward.)

Iamoneiros(巴萨球迷)：欧冠赛场只有内战才能淘汰西甲球队了，西甲的辉煌还在继续。(Only Spanish teams eliminate Spanish teams. The legend continues.)

(图)西蒙尼打巴萨战术板：死守0-0然后点球大战3-0轻松获胜

Huyre98(沃尔夫斯堡球迷)：天啦噜，我们要被虐了么？(lol, we're fucked..)

ridChedduhBob(皇马球迷)：莫慌，按我团这赛季的尿性，你们祈祷撞大运就行，1-0获胜和0-5输球的概率就像抛硬币一样。(We've been so up and down this year it's just a matter of catching us on the right day. You'll either win 1-0 or lose 5-0 it's just a coin flip)

Aourno127(切尔西球迷)：热闹是你们的，我什么都没有…(It’s is really really lively here…)

Theeplisbroken(巴萨球迷)：我很想知道鸟叔现在正在想什么…(I wonder what Mourinho would think about at this time.)

(图)鸟叔也曾经辉煌过…

【MSN齐发威，巴萨3-1阿森纳】

discr33t_enough722(这一定是位中国球迷)：苏牙真踏马的牛逼，我这是在看少林足球吗？(What the actual Fuck suarez. I was meaning to watch Shaolin Soccer today.)

drewgarr17(阿森纳球迷)：每年三月掉队，这是我们最熟悉的厂景。(Why does March hate Arsenal so much ?)

Aguerooo(曼城球迷)：今天的神来之笔咋这么多？(Why are there so many insane goals being scored today!!??)

elonalumos7(巴萨球迷)：那是因为你在看世界上最牛逼的三个前锋的表演。(Because arguably the best three strikers in the world right now are all playing.)

dishwab 11(阿森纳球迷)：TMD，早早地给苏牙报价4千万零2镑不久完了吗？CTMD，要是给厄齐尔前面配上苏亚雷斯，我都不敢想象我厂的进攻会犀利成啥样！(WTF…Should've offered £40,000,002. Imagine the impossible, beautiful, parallel universe in which we have Suarez and Ozil in the same team.)

mark1nhu 32(勒沃库森球迷)：不是枪手不给力，而是宇宙萨根本不属于地球…(Arsenal again was very very very brave, but this Barcelona side is something out of this world.)

Ntustheglasscase(尤文图斯球迷)：温格在这场欧冠比赛里很好地让主力球员保留了实力，这样他们就能将主要精力用来争夺…呃…什么…那个…(Arsene Wenger resting players in the Champions League so that they can focus on...Err... on... hmm...)

Ingenium21(阿森纳球迷)：用来争夺下赛季欧冠正赛的入场券啊，这是我厂的毅种循环。(To have a better chance of qualifying for the Champions League. It’s a tradition unique to us :)

【绝地逆转！拜仁4-2尤文】

maxzocchi 870 (尤文图斯球迷)：自从2002年韩日世界杯意大利输给韩国后，还从来没有那场比赛能让我如此不爽。不过拜仁踢得确实很棒。(I haven't felt this shitty after a game since Italy vs South Korea in 2002, well done Bayern though)

I_haet_typos 342(拜仁球迷)：一个有趣的事实是，当布冯上演职业生涯的首秀时，我仁的基米希才9个月。(Fun fact: When Buffon played his first professional match, Kimmich was 9 months old)

cypressious 9(德国球迷)：那科曼应该还没出生吧:) (And Coman wasn't even born? :)

Tyrath(沙尔克04球迷)：令人惊讶的是，在这场黄牌满天飞的比赛里，竟然没有人被罚下场。(Really surprised neither team had someone get sent off after all those yellow cards.)

spitfiremk1a (英格兰球迷)：没什么大惊小怪的，足球无非就是11个人踢11个人，最后德国人获胜的游戏。(Football is the game where 11 players plays against 11 players and in the end Germans win. No surprise here.)

【火爆曼市德比，拉什福德攻入制胜球】

RterdredN(曼联球迷)：德米凯利斯和马蒂厄都是能凭借一己之力改变比赛的球员，向他们致敬。(Demichelis and Mathieu are players changed the games just on their own, respect.)

Punerisaiyan(曼联球迷)：拉什福德这赛季已经为红魔进了5个球了，这比上赛季法尔考和迪马利亚进的都多(各进4个)。(Marcus Rashford (5 goals) has now scored more goals for Manchester United than Falcao and Di Maria (4 each)).

(图)曼联是本赛季英超面对六大豪强得分最多的球队...

bloo2004(热刺球迷)：下赛季瓜瓜要去曼城，可是他却很可能面临欧冠都没得打的窘境…(Pep going to Man City next year only to have no Champions League football to play is starting to seem like a very real possibility.)

Renevat(未知主队球迷)：要是瓜瓜和穆帅在欧联杯里相遇了，那才是最有意思的事。(Pep vs Mou in the Europa League would actually be fantastic to watch)

【超越传奇，布冯创造意甲不失球新纪录】

UncleWit(尤文图斯球迷)：布冯就是布冯，四海列国，千秋万载，就只一个布冯，岂是一千个、一万个其他门将所能代替得了的！(There's no substitute for him, of course. Good GKs are not rare over the world but Buffon is the only one to us.)

Theultimatebr(尤文图斯球迷)：现在布冯已经38岁了，巅峰状态已经保持了10年之久(从28岁开始)，即使尤文降到乙级联赛也选择不离不弃，他是我们真正的英雄。(Today Gianluigi Buffon turns 38. Almost 10 years ago, at the peak of his career (28 years old) decided to follow Juventus in the 2nd division (Serie B). He’s the real hero.)

Cerb_eru(意大利球迷)：望着布冯镇守城池的身影，眼前仿佛又出现了那个意气风发初登赛场的少年，可那已经是20多年前的事了。(His indefatigable performance made him look like the youngster just promoted from the academy, it’s hard to imagine he has already played for more than 20 years.)

hutgym90(意大利球迷)：布冯，再守城池20年！(I've already been looking forward his another 20 years.)

离乱中守护一座静谧的城池，未曾向洋已经砺就了锋锷。受命之日，寝不安席，世界之巅，豪情淬火，出塞之际，大器终成。一句嘱托，许下了一生；一声坚守，惊诧了世界；一个名字，荡涤了人心——致敬布冯。

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